I have a life mentor. He is not a writing mentor, but he can still dispense great wisdom in many areas. I used to mentor students in middle school. When I would show up to eat lunch with my mentee, his friends would ask, "why do you need a mentor?" Maturity didn't allow for him to have a good answer. He just knew I was a good friend who invested my time into his life. My answer would be, "we all need a mentor."
In a previous blog Wisdom vs Good Advice, I mentioned the word mentor. I needed to follow that up with the significance. I've spent 20 years working with parents and kids. My strongest advice for parents was to find a third voice in their kids' life (assuming there were two parents). Find a mentor who can speak life and wisdom to your children. Kids are heavily influenced by outside forces. Connecting them with a positive person who shares your values is a great way to influence their decisions and build character into their life.
The same goes for writing. I'm following a ton of blogs and how tos. I'm like a kid who is starving for wisdom and seeking a mentor to show me a good path. I do not have that one person who has been through the woods, gotten lost, and now knows the way. I am seeking and I know the value of having one.
Everyone needs a mentor. Whether you are scribbling out your first few sentences or on to your second book, we all need a mentor. Who is breathing wisdom into your life? Find someone who has been where you want to be and latch on. Openly confess, "I want to watch and learn." They will probably laugh in your face but a true mentor will do so in love and provide a closet full of wisdom on life or writing.
Thursday
Tuesday
Wisdom vs Good Advice
When my friends said everyone was doing it, my mom told me to grow up first
When my girlfriend said I should try it, a teacher suggested I should think first
When my coworker said to do it, my mentor reminded me why not
What do all these have in common? Everyone wants good advice. We seek it daily. Which college do I attend? Should I marry this guy? Do I quit my job? Who should I vote for? What could be better than good advice? Good wisdom!
I see good advice. I recognize it. It puts another step in front of me. But is good advice always good, long term? Has it been tested and proven in the fire? That's the critical test. My writing groups are filled will seekers. We want feedback on taking this path or that one. I've argued with many who simply have a different perspective. I can't change that. I can only seek to understand their point of view. But often, I'm baffled at how quickly a question is proposed and the responses are all over the map. When multiple paths are presented, which do you take?
Seek wisdom over good advice. Often times good wisdom is being sold in the "how to books." I get that these guys want to make a buck. But true mentors build into people. There is an old quote I love. Leaders don't build followers, they build other leaders. True mentors who love writing, want to build other writers who succeed. Here is what to look for if you are seeking wisdom over good advice.
1) Listen to the people who have failed before they have succeeded. They have far more valuable stories to share.
2) Be careful of the writers to have one book to their name and a second book titled, "The Best Way to Write a Book."
3) Our elders have the wisdom of experience - if you don't agree with everything, you can still listen for a few nuggets of truth.
4) Follow the head, not the heart. Think smart, not with feelings.
5) There are groups with experienced writers. Latch on to those the common voices before you listen to the rest of us who have opinions on everything.
When my girlfriend said I should try it, a teacher suggested I should think first
When my coworker said to do it, my mentor reminded me why not
What do all these have in common? Everyone wants good advice. We seek it daily. Which college do I attend? Should I marry this guy? Do I quit my job? Who should I vote for? What could be better than good advice? Good wisdom!
I see good advice. I recognize it. It puts another step in front of me. But is good advice always good, long term? Has it been tested and proven in the fire? That's the critical test. My writing groups are filled will seekers. We want feedback on taking this path or that one. I've argued with many who simply have a different perspective. I can't change that. I can only seek to understand their point of view. But often, I'm baffled at how quickly a question is proposed and the responses are all over the map. When multiple paths are presented, which do you take?
Seek wisdom over good advice. Often times good wisdom is being sold in the "how to books." I get that these guys want to make a buck. But true mentors build into people. There is an old quote I love. Leaders don't build followers, they build other leaders. True mentors who love writing, want to build other writers who succeed. Here is what to look for if you are seeking wisdom over good advice.
1) Listen to the people who have failed before they have succeeded. They have far more valuable stories to share.
2) Be careful of the writers to have one book to their name and a second book titled, "The Best Way to Write a Book."
3) Our elders have the wisdom of experience - if you don't agree with everything, you can still listen for a few nuggets of truth.
4) Follow the head, not the heart. Think smart, not with feelings.
5) There are groups with experienced writers. Latch on to those the common voices before you listen to the rest of us who have opinions on everything.
Five Annoyances of Writing Groups
This is just for fun. Don't be offended, I love you all but, often I am left shaking my head at the absurdity of a post in my writing group. Here are just five annoyances of writing groups. Feel free to add your own.
1) Non-Writers
"Can someone give me the name of my Character? Will you name my book? What should be the first paragraph of my novel?" Seriously. You want to be taken seriously as a writer, but you cant flesh out the first sentence? This drives me bonkers. If you need this much attention; get a dog.
2) Hijackers
I love to see post of those who have publicly published work. We want to celebrate with them. What drives me wonky...Under the post are those who hijack the party.
"Me too. I published my work a month ago. Here is MY book, the cost, and the beg for reviews." Learn to share joy. Support others without propping yourself up.
3) The Experts
First, I am no expert. I am gaining immediate education and sharing about hole I just fell in or obstacle I jumped over. Wring groups are full of one book experts. They sold 100 copy's of their book, wrote a self-publishing book, and now they know it all. Amazing.
4) Trigger Happy
I am no longer surprised at how trigger sensitive people want to comment and talk about whatever it is that triggers them. I get the warnings. I don't agree, but I get what you are saying. But if you are sensitive, stop commenting under the offensive post. Stop talking about it. Run away to your happy place.
5) Elementary Illustrations
You are posting your illustrated book to the group at least two times a day. Fine. But when the illustrations looks like my 5yrs old accomplished it, that really grabs my gut. There is not a blog I haven't read that doesn't talk about using professional looking illustrations. What's is going on with the theses cartoons from kindergarten. Is anyone buying his stuff? If you cant afford an illustrator, save. Unless you have proven you can make good money from your illustrations...don't do it yourself.
Friday
All Writers Are Capitalist
Before you crack my skull, let me flesh this out. There are basically two categories we fall in. There are those of us who claim to write for the love and opportunity to share to the masses. We will forever write and share, ever hopeful that someone will read our stuff. We give it away for free or post a meager price for our precious piece.
Then, there are a few of us that will write, promote, and hope to have a minute of success when our work is finally complete. We want the almighty coin. We will work and sell hard for our precious masterpiece.
I spend way too much time reading post regarding either one of these categories. I do not mean to get political and I'm not criticizing one way or the other. I'm not even sure what the opposite of a capitalist is. Its not socialism or communism by definition.
Are all writers capitalist?
I have a hard time believing we are not all producing for potential profit. I know there is the argument about writing for ourselves and for the love of it. However, what If I told you your work was really good and there was a market for it? I want to share your masterpiece with the world and give you the profits; You would take it.
That's capitalism in its simplest form - for those readers outside capitalist America. (Private-Individual Ownership of an item with the means to produce and profit)
We may claim we are not in it just for the money, but honey, if someone showed us the dollar - we are in. If you are still not convinced...
Let's say your item is free. You want attention and readers because you are in a writing group and you are informing people of your gift. Let's say I set up a page to sell writing to the masses. With your permission, I offer your work on my sight. Its your work, your name, all credit to you. I have the suave of a salesman. I start making money on your product that credits you. Your proclimation was once, "I just want to write from the heart, not make money." My guess is, you wouldnt stand by and watch me make money off your work. You would want a piece of the action. Well, my friends...you are a capitalist. Why does it matter?
Cause I'm calling BS on the old lines about writing for the love of it and not wanting to make money. Get real with yourselves. It's ok for writers to be capitalist.
Then, there are a few of us that will write, promote, and hope to have a minute of success when our work is finally complete. We want the almighty coin. We will work and sell hard for our precious masterpiece.
I spend way too much time reading post regarding either one of these categories. I do not mean to get political and I'm not criticizing one way or the other. I'm not even sure what the opposite of a capitalist is. Its not socialism or communism by definition.
Are all writers capitalist?
I have a hard time believing we are not all producing for potential profit. I know there is the argument about writing for ourselves and for the love of it. However, what If I told you your work was really good and there was a market for it? I want to share your masterpiece with the world and give you the profits; You would take it.
That's capitalism in its simplest form - for those readers outside capitalist America. (Private-Individual Ownership of an item with the means to produce and profit)
We may claim we are not in it just for the money, but honey, if someone showed us the dollar - we are in. If you are still not convinced...
Let's say your item is free. You want attention and readers because you are in a writing group and you are informing people of your gift. Let's say I set up a page to sell writing to the masses. With your permission, I offer your work on my sight. Its your work, your name, all credit to you. I have the suave of a salesman. I start making money on your product that credits you. Your proclimation was once, "I just want to write from the heart, not make money." My guess is, you wouldnt stand by and watch me make money off your work. You would want a piece of the action. Well, my friends...you are a capitalist. Why does it matter?
Cause I'm calling BS on the old lines about writing for the love of it and not wanting to make money. Get real with yourselves. It's ok for writers to be capitalist.
Tuesday
What If You Suck @Writing?
Our writing groups are filled with the concern of, "Am I good enough." We may not be prepared for the hits, but we definitely put ourselves out there. Then, reality comes. We have the ever faithful encourager who push the positive notion that we are doing good because we write for the love of practice or hobby.
What happens when someone tells us our writing isn't very good?
Passion can lead to persistence but passion does not equal good.
There are clearly levels of great, good, & greatly needs improvement. Criticism is hard to swallow.
Anyone who starts something will get better at it. But, there comes a time when success is measured. Unfortunately, too may people give us the irresponsible statements..."You can be whatever you want to be; whatever you put your mind to..." Science and reality TV proves that not everyone is going to make the cut, no matter how much they enjoy the task. Everyone is is not physically or mentally designed for the greatest of everything.
Writing is the same. We want our book to be shared by the thousands. We all have a few goals to achieve. In the end, success will be measured in numbers or simple accomplishments.
So, you discover you are not that good. This doesn't mean quit. Write because you love to write and your family loves your stuff. It really is fun to be lost in your own stories. But don't let it define you or discourage you. Something bigger is out there waiting for you to pick it up and run.
So how do you measure success with writing?
1) Don't ask momma: don't just ask the pleasers in your life. They love you and will never hurt your feelings on purpose.
2) Seek wisdom: Seek the experienced opinion. Listen to the wisdom of those who have been around the block verses the wannabes who think they know all there is after crafting one book.
3) Check all the factors - Are you getting better? How are you measuring success? Are you giving up early or just spinning wheels too many years later?
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